Work has sent me to Perth, the main city of Australia’s western coastline, the only real city on the west coast actually. It’s a giant mining town with a high cost of living, for every suit in the city there’s probably forty grizzly dudes hunched over in a mine somewhere. I’ve hit up Okcupid, like heaps, not sure what to think of myself. I feel that a work environment conduces me to search for 18-20 years olds online in the last day and looking for casual sex with men between 18-30. The 18-30 part is important, I like girls who like older guys and I don’t really know why. I think it’s because when I’m thirty I want to be looked at like a piece of meat by Nineteen year olds.
What I’ve noticed on Okcupid is the abundance of girls on there who define themselves as bisexual. This is just stupid. It seems eight in ten girls call themselves bisexual and it’s rare to find a chick who classifies as straight. Statistically I don’t think that more than half the dating scene is bi (far less I’d say) which means a fuckload of these girls are bullshitting. So what do they have to gain by defining themselves as bi? I’ve thought about this and I believe they fear they’re missing out on some sort of sexual revolution if they proclaim they’re straight. Yes, they’re special snowflakes, unaware that all the other girls are also special snowflakes, and since they’re only searching for guys, they don’t see that. These are often the same types of girls who have the words sapiosexual or pansexual in their profiles. More bullshit, I’m banking that if these tumblr-inspired girls actually came face to face with the rear end of a some downward-dog pussy and butt-hole they’d hesitate to lick. And for the sapiosexuals of Okcupid why don’t you fuck George R.R Martin. He’s intelligent and can probably make your pussy wet with his words, why not let him lay down on top of you and receive his intelligence in the form of slow laborious missionary thrusting. Then you can give birth to the Stark children.
Spelling and grammar is another popular request these girls want. You’re wasting your time if you don’t have a good grasp of grammar and spelling, or I’ll ignore your message if you have a poor grasp of grammar. I believe that many of these girls would get along fine with guys who have a poor command of words. After a random approach from a cool guy and one vodka raspberry is Cassandra still going to give a fuck about whether he know’s ‘your’ from ‘you’re’? Also to convey my thoughts on the ‘movies, books and TV’ section, I’ve provided the response from my profile
Look, no one cares about this fucking shit, if tastes in music and books actually got people laid, there wouldn’t be sites like this. And don’t tell me you filter out guys who don’t like Bon Iver or other indie folk rock, that’s just a rationalization that you aren’t getting dicked… But I actually do like a bit of Bon Iver though, I find his voice to be a gentle afternoon breeze, the type I get when I check my mailbox after a long day of stuff.
A girl did take to my profile* and its quirky offensiveness, she has ‘casual sex’ included on her ‘looking for’, and I have the words sex and fuck littered across my ‘message me if’. She even told me which arcade in the city she works in, which to me sounds like: find which shop I work in, follow me into the staff bathroom and forcefully penetrate me.
* I got her number and we set a date to meet, but her dog died. I think I have to double the amount of messages I send out to account for dying pets.